Oh nine.

I see why you hadn't been letting people into your mind. There is probably no such dying need for others to fathom your thoughts. Apart from you yourself, no one would truly comprehend what's churning inside of you.

However the case, my door will always remain open for you. To my BBF, to my everyone.

Everything is just too overwhelming right now. We all have our own problems, and it's never ending..

Explain.

Then why hadn't you grow tired right from the start?
Nothing else would have happened.

Dusty road.

I was sleeping, wasn't I?
I dislike it when I'm in a subconscious state of mind during the span of my sleep. It confuses me.
Reality versus surreality.

I was sleepy, wasn't I?
My inner me played the role of mother figure last night, coaxing me to fall asleep. She tried to chase away the nasty thoughts with great effort. All I can recall her whispering was, "Shhh, stop thinking so much and go to sleep."
I eventually managed to set my thoughts aside and slip into slumber.

To my dismay, that didn't last long. Those thoughts crept into my sleep from time to time, distorting my dreams, disrupting my state of mind. It was difficult.

I woke up frequently, and that's when everything hits me without mercy. She had to coax me back to sleep again. I'm afraid she will be exhausted very soon. Even at this very moment, she is trying her very best to shield me from the seemingly hurtful thoughts.


(Is it a curse?)

Once bitten, twice shy.

Everything explains now. How would it be like when I wake up?

Totallaay bullshiatty.

I am having two totally nonsensical online conversations now.



Jean says:
Ni zi dao pa le uh.
Gui xia lai ren chuo!
HAHAHA.

CRYSTAL. ?????? says:
humpf wo cai bu yao gui xia lai!
-runsaway-
LOL.

adeline says:
haha
on me

Jean says:
*tAKES BAMBOO*

adeline says:
neighhhh!

Jean says:
Ni hai pao!

CRYSTAL. ?????? says:
jin! ni pao bu guo wo de mazi de!

adeline says:
neighhhhh~

N. says:
so i am a nut?
where is mettian?

Jean says:
Yup, not any nut.
Not peanut.
Not cashew nut.

N. says:
pine nut?

Jean says:
Nope.
COCONUT!
Mettian is another name for coconut.

N. says:
oh!
i see.
so i am a coconut living in a big coconut?

Jean says:
No, you are a coconut living in a big coconut!

N. says:
h u h ?
i thought i said that?
ohhh, i see the difference.
i am a coconut living in a big coconut !

Jean says:
Say you coconut, you really coconut.
You are a coconut living in a big coconut, not a coconut living in a big coconut!
Understooded?

N. says:
nooo. i no understand.

I'm off to read my Introduction to Psychology now :D
Toodles.

I'd surrender yesterday.

Well, as anticipated, I only managed to slip into slumber when it was drawing really close to 0400 hours. Couldn't be more surprised. Is it even anything fresh from the oven?

A preoccupied mind. The so many thoughts made it so difficult to fall asleep despite being physically lethargic. The same thing has been going on for few nights now, so I'm hoping it'll be different tonight. I had a mere hour of shuteye last night, so I'd most definitely be in need of my beauty sleep now.
Right?


I'll be the one this time round. You need your share.

Or was it lost?

I'm contemplating on whether I should catch a wink at all, or otherwise. Believe it or not, I'll have to rise at 0600 just so as to prepare myself for school. Do the math and you'll realise I can only clock in thereabout four hours of sleep.

Then again, I'm feeling a wee bit exhausted now. Surprisingly, huh? I tried not to sleep to my fill last night, and work sufficed in tiring me out quite a bit. An attempt to make me fall asleep anytime before 0400 hours. We'll see.

Till then.
May tomorrow be smooth without internal struggles.

Could it be fear?

What is it that I am feeling now?
What is it that I was feeling when I was waking up in the afternoon?
What is it that I am feeling now?

I remember what I said last night. I managed to hold that thought throughout the day, but at this very moment, at this point of time, I think I just lost it. Are things in such a bad shape now? Unfortunately, I believe so.
But why? Why this late, yet, why so soon? Just why?
Old habits die hard. I'm still not ready to kick my habit yet. Not just yet.

I was sitting at this familiar little corner all alone, and I saw everything. I have to be grateful and glad that what I saw were memories worth reminiscing, despite the ups and downs.
When I'm happy, these memories will come to me on a positive note.
When I'm happy, those days were the best days of my life.
When I'm upset, these memories will come to me on a negative note.
When I'm upset, those days were the worst days of my life.


Life's going to get tougher. It will compromise no wee bit. So it's up to me :)
There will be times where I would throw in the towel and surrender, but whatever it may be, I will not let life defeat me, because I am me.

Hamilton for you.

ANNE! This is the one :)

It's surprisingly magical.

I saw it in a different light. I finally did.
Let it last.
Let it last.
Prolong it till the fire dies.

Yay for now :D

Pinch of optimism.

What's worthwhile of falling out of love is the value of you. The fact it's you I have fallen in love with makes falling out of love worthwhile.

What's worthwhile of eating is the happiness it will bring me. The fact it's food that I enjoy makes eating worthwhile.

Hoho. I feel like having cupcakes! Anyone?
:)

Put the kibosh on, no.

Tuesday was a simple day. A delectable meal followed by a movie to wrap up the night.

I took in the advice. Despite running a little late, I still took a bus down to Tampines Mall. Jerky bus rides are such a nuisance. I found myself short of breath during my bus journey. Doesn't really make sense here, but since it won't put me to death, I couldn't care less. It just gets a tad irritable.

Shayne intended to dine in at Fish&Co., just as what I wanted. Great minds think alike. We took quite some time to make up our minds and agree on what to have. We decided to have mussels, pizza, and New York. We got Akif to pick which pizza we were going to have, so he chose Crawfish Wasabi.
Food was good, like always. But Shayne didn't seem to eat as much as previously.

Seeing that the movie would start at 2130, we had much time to kill. Apparently, we walked from places to places.

I got a bus home. That's an achievement since I hadn't had a cab ride at all. Three cheers for Jean!


Too fast. Too slow. So many changes. Not many chances.

Fall back on.

I may know what's on your mind, but I don't know what's in your heart.

Bring out the love, here in our hearts.
Familiar much?
(Haha.)

07 October 2009.

Credits to Adz.

A toast to our happiness.

Yesterday was pretty much one of a kind, and I managed to chuck those unwanted thoughts (shit) aside throughout the fabulous night. Haven't seen those girls in awhile, and I miss them so very much.

(Pictures will follow.)

Cryst, Adz, Sheng Wei and I met at City Hall at a quarter past six, thereabout. A pity Mas wasn't able to sieve out time due to her hectic schedule. After much deliberation, we decided on Coffee Club, Raffles Place. How can I ever miss out on my Alfredo when I dine in? Cryst had the same, whilst Adz and Sheng Wei got different kinds of baked rice. Toward the end of our palatable meal, Hamz joined us.

Sheng Wei had to part from us to run some errands. Thereafter, we promenaded to Clarke Quay, and that was when things stepped a notch higher. Along the way, we did the littlest good deed by sharing a small amount of what we have with the man selling packets of tissue. It was like a green light for us to have a ball that night, but nevertheless, our intentions were pure.

Hamz brought us to King Satay where we settled down and got ourselves a couple of drinks. Cryst got pretty silent, whilst Adz, on the contrary, was blabbering away. No worries, Adz, it didn't irk me the slightest bit :)

Hot chicks that walked by caught our attention. They are like, whoa, wow, weets. We also saw a guy who carried a striking resemblance of Ne-Yo. Worst of all, there was this old folk cuddling and fondling the pillar like he wanted to grind it.

Before heading to the riverside, we took a little stroll around the corner, and lucky us, we bumped into hot Caucasian guys (like finally!) just a stone's throw away from Attica, and they simply swept us off our feet. They have just the most beautiful features any guy would die to have.

We sat by the river, chattering away, gradually ending our night with the breathtaking scenery.

We went on separate ways with Hamz and I taking bus 12 back to our hometown. I happened to catch a glimpse of Ice Cream Chefs, though I still have no idea where is it situated at. The route was seemingly unfamiliar to me, knowing how bad I am with directions.

Perhaps it is just me, but I felt that my room stank throughout half the night I was in it. Not that I hadn't bathe before I slept, neither did I leave my dirty laundry in my room, but it just reeked.

Next week, girls? :D

Neither one prepared.

Ever just the same.
Ever a surprise.
Ever as before.
Ever just as same.
The sun will rise.


Bittersweet and strange.
Finding you can change.

Disastrous disaster.

Cross my fingers.
Blind and emotionless.

Repetitive and vicious.

I am still left with two weeks of holidays and I am already wishing for my break during the coming December. Part of me is feeling hopeful about a fresh semester, yet another part of me is freaking out.

Undesired descent.

I hadn't had good past two days, and I'm glad they are over, but I'm still unsure what the near future would be like for me. Not quite seeing any glimpse of light at the end of my tunnel, but I'll try to make my way there. You're right, I should solve my problems to the best of my abilities. Sacrifices will be made in return. I have to pay a price.

I shall not expatiate much on the uncalled happenings of Thursday night, with relations to work. I don't want to be reminded of anything. Perhaps it has been quite some time since I last experienced a busy crowd, so I couldn't adapt to it. My incompetency dealt a blow to me as I wasn't capable of fulfilling my assigned duties efficiently. Mistakes made were an issue to me as well. Talked about it, so I don't want to go there again. I just want to extend my appreciation to Min as he was patient with me throughout the night.

Friday wasn't even a good day to begin with. I tried, but it was an epic failure with me losing control of my emotions. It got the better of me and tears overwhelmed me. It was my first time breaking into tears over work-related matters at the store itself. I was disappointed as I promised myself that nothing of such should happen, and I thought I could last longer than that.

The entire situation was nothing major, but somehow or rather, it was the trigger of my waterworks. Truth to be told, I thought, and that was actually a blunder I made. It was more than just my mistake which affected me, and when I could take it no longer, I rushed into station D for a breather.

There were a couple of misconceptions. Betty thought I was mad at her, hence I wept. Phyo had the impression that the customers screwed me. None of these were true. As a matter of fact, the customers didn't even use a harsh tone on me. They were merely disappointed, and I sensed that. Neither was Betty at fault because I understood that her intentions were harmless.

At station D, I did many reflections. I looked back at the reasons, reasons that no one knows. No one at all, except of yours truly. It's redundant for anyone to make wild guesses. You'll know when you know.

The sauce set area is a sacred place to me, like no one can relate to. I seek solace there. It holds my recollections and frustrations, my tears and smiles.